My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
