dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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