i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
