Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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