Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
