i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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