Your face is a jimmy john
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
