Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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