you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
