well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
