I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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