and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
