i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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