im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
