Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
