You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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