Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
