So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
