3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize