That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
