Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
