Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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