He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
