I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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