Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
