Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dear god my vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
