if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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