I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
