Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
