Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
