No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
