Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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