I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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