The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
