we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
