Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
