I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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