youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
