he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
