Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
