she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
pray to the hookup gods
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
