eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
