I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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