You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
