If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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