New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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