Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
