Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
