Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
