We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize