Pappa wants mamma naked
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
