Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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