So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
