I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
