Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
