my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
