i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
