So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
