this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
