It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
