I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
