drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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