You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
