Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
