Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
