Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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