lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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