i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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