You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize