The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
