Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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