Your tits are I can't wait for
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Never joke about your clitoris.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
