lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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