Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
