In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dear god my vagina.
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