I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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