hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
