I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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