I got chris browned last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
