I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
