Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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