You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
