I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
