How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
