I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Panties = found
Randomize
