On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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