this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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