you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
