Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
