Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
