Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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