hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
