all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize