I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
