How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
