the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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