My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
