just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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