there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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