this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
