Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
