I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
