Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
