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You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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