I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
