Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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