Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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